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Prince Of Darkness

ELECTRICAL THEORY BY JOSEPH LUCAS 
Positive ground depends on proper circuit functioning, which is 
the transmission of negative ions by retention of the visible 
spectral manifestation known as smoke. Smoke is the thing that makes 
electrical circuits work. We know this to be true because every time one 
lets the smoke out of an electrical circuit, it stops working. This can be 
verified repeatedly through empirical testing. 

For example, if one places a copper bar across the terminals of a battery, 
prodigious quantities of smoke are liberated and the battery shortly ceases 
to function. In addition, if one observes smoke escaping from an electrical 
component such as a Lucas voltage regulator, it will also be observed that 
the component no longer functions. The logic is elementary and inescapable! 

The function of the wiring harness is to conduct the smoke from one device 
to another. When the wiring springs a leak and lets all the smoke out of 
the system, nothing works afterward. 

Starter motors were considered unsuitable for British motorcycles for some 
time largely because they consumed large quantities of smoke, requiring 
very unsightly large wires. 

It has been reported that Lucas electrical components are possibly more 
prone to electrical leakage than their Bosch, Japanese or American 
counterparts. Experts point out that this is because Lucas is British, and 
all things British leak. British engines leak oil, British shock absorbers, 
hydraulic forks and disk brake systems leak fluid, British tires leak air 
and British Intelligence leaks national defense secrets. 

Therefore, it follows that British electrical systems must leak smoke. Once 
again, the logic is clear and inescapable. 

In conclusion, the basic concept of transmission of electrical energy in 
the form of smoke provides a logical explanation of the mysteries of 
electrical components especially British units manufactured by Joseph 
Lucas, Ltd. 

And remember: gentleman does not motor about after dark. 

Joseph Lucas The Prince of Darkness 
1842-1903 

A few Lucas quips: 

The Lucas motto: Get home before dark. 

Lucas is the patent holder for the short circuit. 

Lucas - Inventor of the first intermittent wiper. 

Lucas - Inventor of the self-dimming headlamp. 

The three-position Lucas switch--DIM, FLICKER and OFF. The other three 
switch settings--SMOKE, SMOLDER and IGNITE. 

The Original Anti-Theft Device - Lucas Electrics. 

If Lucas made guns, wars would not start 

Back in the 1970s, Lucas decided to diversify its product line and began 
manufacturing vacuum cleaners. It was the only product they offered which 
did not suck. 

Q: Why do the British drink warm beer? A: Because Lucas makes their 
refrigerators. 

This has been referred to as the smoke theory when the smoke comes out its 
finished, cooked or done for.